The Fountain Pen, Guelph's On-Line News
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Lookin' good, Guelph!

Web posted on December 05, 2001

Ok, we've all heard about the Communities in Bloom thing. Happens every year. Now, it's not just pretty gardens and a happy floral choo-choo train during the summer... they want us to look good in winter,too. Yes, there will be people wandering around the city on December 7 & 8, checking out how festive the outside of our houses are. At night. I mean, really, do the powers that be expect us all to be festive this early in the frolicking season? Come on, there's no snow on the ground and I'm not sick and tired of Christmas carols yet.

Now, in my neighbourhood, it'll be easy to tell which car the judges are in -- it'll be the one speeding down the roads with no lights on and the doors tightly locked. Nobody walks around here after dark, and they certainly won't want to call attention to themselves. I already told my friends to use regular lights, not the blinky kind, so the judges won't flash by while the lights are out and miss the whole damn experience.

I know that there are many of you who leave the lights up year-round, and those who hang 'em up as soon as you take down the traditional 3-D haunted house construct (complete with moving ghosts and tinkling skeletons). Hey, more power to you if you express your artistic side in that manner, even though you types do tend to scare me. However, I think the judges are looking more for those regular Janes and Joes who don't have green thumbs (or don't have any place to put those thumbs to use) and make the homestead look nice during the festive season. But most of the folks I've talked to aren't feeling particularly festive. Perhaps when the snow flies they'll put up the lights -- big snow banks are better to land on when taking a short cut down from the roof.

If the judges want to see Guelph at its most uniformly decorated, get 'em to tour around in early January. All the dead trees waiting curbside are festively decorated with garbage, slush, and mittens from the local bully's latest victim. Possibly they would see these noble trees in action: there are many recorded cases of trees dashing forward to keep hapless humans, who are sliding on ice and snow from uncleared sidewalks, out of the way of oncoming traffic. Did you know that the big tree down in St. George's Square is a direct descendent of the tree that kept Mr. Galt himself from ending face-down in the mud? Well, that's what I heard.